Why Simon is Wrong

4/6/05

By Diane Sprague

I just realized that one of Simon's many deficiencies that has contributed to my conclusion that big breasted men are very lacking in other areas, is that he utterly misses a sense of whimsy. During season two, I couldn't understand why he did not have fun like all the rest of us did when Clay sang Grease . And this season, after Constantine sang I Think I Love You and Simon said that he just didn't get it, I realized why. He doesn't understand that some things are just fun, and the more I thought about his perspective, the more I realized that this perspective was accompanied by the inability to embrace something that was different, new, and challenging. The reason I am always throwing things at the television every time that man opens his mouth is that I come from the corner of the world where we are looking for just that: something new, something we haven't seen before, and something that surprises us. Simon wants things just as they are, where there is no laughter, whimsy, and surprises. When American Idol gives us what he wants, I get bored and turn away, but fortunately, it gives us what I want too.

I have been a little resistant in writing this because, although American Idol is all about everyone enjoying his or her own opinion, I do not want to contribute in any way to the ugly Internet netherworld of directing hatred towards any of the American Idol contestants. I think they are all talented and likeable people - unless it is a male who has shown the propensity to be violent toward a woman. Then he can sing as much as he wants; he is just no longer welcome to sing to me. I only want to express the perspective of someone who was thoroughly bored with the world of popular entertainment, the tension I feel against the show that appears to want to give us what already exists, and my delight in finding a few contestants who are doing their best to foil this fiendish plot.

In season two, as soon as I heard Clay sing, I knew I was hearing something new. He was different, he was funny, he was surprising, and he didn't fit the predictable categories of the Pop Music world. It was also abundantly apparent that the show was leaning towards finding someone who was already there: someone talented, but someone we have seen a thousand times before. To me it was a epic battle between the same old same old and something we have never seen before and I was furious at the outcome. But then I realized it was just a silly television show and got on with my life... but it was fun to get wrapped up in it for awhile.

For season three, I fell asleep.

For this season, I know the favorites are Bo and Carrie. They are good, but they are already out there. There are hundreds of singers like them. It has already been done. There is nothing new happening and nothing different I am hearing. My favorites are the ones who are unique.

Anwar's versions of Moon River and What a Wonderful World were magnificent. To me his voice sounds fresh and new. Even though his latest performances haven't quite equaled his earlier ones, I am routing for him. I think he has the potential to surprise us again and give us something we have never heard before. Plus I am a sucker for sweet and gentle men. They are the only men worth paying any attention to. I don't know what God was thinking when He made all the rest of them.

I like Nikko because I like his hat. I like seeing what he is going to do with his hat. Last time, when he sang without his hat, I became very confused. But he is fun and that is what counts.

The other performer who has snuck up on me is Constantine. I always thought he was interesting, but he really got my attention when he broke out of the mold of a rocker. We cannot define him now and that is good because people should never be defined. I got a real kick out of his version of I Think I Love You . My first reaction was the same as everyone else's: The Partridge Family... what the heck? But he made me remember. I liked that song. I was once a tacky little kid who thought that show was cool. I thought traveling on that bus would be a glorious way to live. Of course, I grew up and realized how hokey it all was and I pretended that this tasteless phase of mine never existed. He made me remember; it was once fun and it was fun again. He nailed it. I smiled throughout his whole performance. His remarkable rendition of I Can't Make You Love Me has also definitely got my interest. I want to see what is next and we know someone is doing well if we start waiting to see what is next.

Well, that's just my perspective from my small corner of the world, which I realize counts for nothing except if you are me. My guess is that the results of American Idol will be another victory to what's already there and I will be yawning once again. Simon will be happy, and that is not good. Even so, I have enjoyed the moments of whimsy and the promise of contestants who can bring us something new. It has been fun and Clay's new album should be coming out soon so all is right here too. Right? Yes? Please?!