What I Learned by Being a Clay Fan
1/13/06
by Diane Sprague
I learned a lot these past few years. Of course, most of it I forgot, but a couple things remained and I thought I would jot them down before they go away too. That way when my children finally reach the point where they are about to figure out that they really are smarter than I am, I can use the wisdom I obtain to create a diversion.
The music industry is dull. It's very uncreative. Everything seems to be done in a certain way. The boring way. If one pays attention to what happens with all the American Idol singers, it's the same pattern, the same formula. An album, a bunch of television appearances on some crappy shows, maybe a second album, a second round of television appearances on the same crappy shows. Then who knows, but whatever it is will be boring. It will take too long. What makes watching Clay fun is the world apart from the music industry, the websites where we can download wonderful fan-made videos of Clay's amazing concert appearances, the demos of his earlier songs, and even the memories contained in the old copies of his American Idol performances. I think I would have lost interest if what the music industry offered was all that we had. Not that I think Clay's next album will be dull, but waiting for it sure is. I also have noticed a telling difference in photographs of Clay taken by professionals and the photographs taken by fans. I can tell the difference because I don't like the former type. The image in unreal, a disguised attempt to give us something they think we want to see vs. something real, something we want to see. The fan's photographs give us that. I think the music industry is similar. It does not know how to give us something real, what is real has to sneak out when they are not looking.
Television has a lot of lousy stuff on it. Actually, I knew that one already. Unfortunately I used to endure a lot of crummy shows just to see Clay: The Miss America Pageant, Sponge-Bob, daytime talk shows, stupid music award shows...ugh. The people who create these shows should be shot, and they should be forced to watch these shows for several hours before their shootings. I did get smart. I discovered really cool people put up clips of Clay from these shows not too long after they are shown, so I can download them and watch the clips with all the garbage fully removed. Now that is good stuff, and my brain has almost fully recovered from the trauma of the past exposure.
Hard drives are not that big. When we first got our computer with a 60 gigabyte hard drive, I thought I was looking into infinity. We would put all these programs and files on the computer and just a little slice of the pie showed up to indicate how much space was being used. It was vast, endless, and inviting. Now that I have put, um, a few Clay music downloads on the computer, the darn thing shrunk. Now there is that same slice of the pie, but this time that is all the room that is left.
People in the media do not even try to get the facts correct. They don't even come close. Nine times out of ten, the information one reads in articles about Clay is wrong. According to what I have read, Clay won American Idol, tied for first, came in third, quit the show because Simon was too ugly, and was not even on American Idol but had a few small appearances on Survivor. It's scary. I think the writer's method of obtaining facts consists of asking a few of the building's janitors a question such as how many albums Clay sold and using the information from the one with the biggest mop. It makes a person wonder. How many other ways are we getting misinformed about the facts we read about or hear reported everyday? Goodness, maybe cigarette smoking does not cause cancer, the earth's temperature is getting colder, and George Bush is not the President.
Don't join fan clubs. I never joined a fan club before. I don't like anybody, so I never had to pay money to like anyone before. That worked out well. I was finally tempted to join the Official Fan Club for Clay because of all the goodies that were promised. Unfortunately I forgot to read the clause that stipulated that I really would end up with diddley-squat. I have a thing about money. I find it comes in handy when buying groceries and gas, so when I discover that someone took my money and decided they had no obligation to fulfill their end of the bargain, I make the wise decision to never do something silly like that ever again. So now I am back to liking Clay again for free. I am a stingy old miser. Weekly blogs, my foot.
Adding religion to music is sad. I like spiritual songs. Those are cool. They reach into a place inside of us where we know something is true and we can connect to the meaning whatever our backgrounds, beliefs, or philosophies. Religion, on the other hand, puts a wall up for those outside the religion, because we never communicate those aspects of out religion that connects us with others. We rarely talk about religion at all other than to indicate it is there. So why add it to music? Why say nothing much at all about what one really believes and then sing about it? Really, the only thing Clay has ever said about God is how well God has planned out his life. Unfortunately there are other lives out there that tell different stories. Lives of failures, abuse, disappointments, meaninglessness and then the person steps outside and gets hit by a bus. Those lives count too. But nobody ever talks about that aspect of God, the bad planner aspect. So we can close our eyes and only pay attention to lives that seems to have been written by an angel and pretend that is all we need to see about God, but for those of us whose lives seemed to have be penned by the likes of Stephen King if there is nothing more to say then it's just strange hearing people try to make believe they are saying it. It's strange hearing people sing about it, even if the singers sings about it beautifully. I like to look behind the music, to see if something is there, if there is any meaning. It's just sad to find out, with the religious songs, there really isn't. Silence speaks too loudly.
I did it myself. The many times I heard Clay say how he isn't changing people lives with his music has been disconcerting. To say that God planned out his life and then to complain that he is not doing much that is worthwhile with it seems like rather bad publicity for God. I am one of the many people who felt his music made a big difference in my life. I felt it helped my through an extremely difficult time. I discovered though, that at least for me, there is some truth to his statements. I think I was like a baseball player going through a slump, and he finds that he starts hitting again when he has a lucky penny in his pocket. He found he couldn't believe in himself, so he believed in the penny instead. I did not think I had the strength to make in through, so I believed Clay's music was helping me. Just like the penny, it was just a illusion. It was just a way of finding strength when it seemed impossible to believe in myself. Looking back though, I can see that I was strong. I was creative in finding a way to move forward. Maybe I wasn't who I thought I was, and discovering what is really within is exciting. Even so, I think music is a wonderfully power force and those who can give us beautiful music truly have a gift for the rest of us. It's really sad to hear Clay making statements that negate that. It puzzles me.
Clay still has the most beautiful voice I ever heard. This has not changed at all. Sometimes I expect it to change. Things don't last. Obsessions go away. Other things come up to distract us. Even with all the time that has passed, I still react to his voice with awe. Some of his performances from the last Christmas tour still leave me transfixed. I even have tried to change my perception just for kicks. I take on the grumpy critic persona and try to listen to Clay differently to see if I can hear something else. I never hear that something else. His voice is always wonderful, and it appears I found something beautiful that may stay for awhile. I look forward to watching his continued growth as an artist.
Simon still is an idiot. Of course, I am back to square one. I said that the first time I watched American Idol. And if someone thinks I am going to sit through another season of watching the same tired reactions to the bad singers, to the same emotional torturing of the somewhat good singers as they get eliminated, the same brainless way the judges give away the outcome of the show by their blatantly obsequious flattery to their chosen winner before we even get started watching the top singers, he or she would be correct in assuming the same thing about me. Yes, I am an idiot too. That's why I have to cover up by learning all these smart things. I still like the show. I still like the possibility of what can be discovered. And I still like watching and listening to what was once discovered. I have sorted out a lot of what was real and what was just an illusion. There is still enough left that is real and beautiful to make it worthwhile.
SirLinksalot: Clay Aiken Links
SirLinksalot: American Idol Links