Fan Wars and Ghosts in a Graveyard

5/10/04

by Diane Sprague

“Debauchery in such a place, the debauching of the last aspirations, depravity in crumbling and decaying corpses – not sparing even the last moments of consciousness! Those moments are granted, bestowed upon them, and…But above all, above all, in such a place! No, that I cannot tolerate… ” - Dostoevsky

This quote is from Dostoevsky's short story, Bobok , in which recently deceased spirits in a cemetery discover that they can still converse with each other. The conversations consist in silly bickering and absurd posturing. The visitor who overhears the spirit's words leaves the cemetery utterly horrified by the realization that this brief extended gift of consciousness was wasted in such a debased manner. I wonder what this visitor would think if he stumbled across the Internet.

Human nature never changes. Of course, the means we have of communicating are more advanced and, unfortunately, less spooky, but we tell the same story. It's a curious story because we especially love having enemies. If there is no apparent reason why we should have someone become our enemy, it is amazing how quickly we can come up with one.

When I first came onto the Internet, I went to the religious discussion forums hoping to find some intelligent debates and discussions. Instead, I found vicious arguments, tiresome insults, and violent hatred filling each interaction. I made the observation that the Romans didn't need to use lions. All they had to do was throw some Christians together and they would devour each other in no time. For awhile, I was fascinated by this, but over time I began to realize I was just observing people who were hopelessly stuck. It was time to move on.

The post-American Idol blues I experienced last year brought me back to the Internet to seek out anything I could find about my beloved Clay Aiken. Of course, I was rewarded by the lovely treasures of his demo music, the bootlegged video clips of his appearances in the American Idol summer concert tour, and the ever fascinating messages boards. I have enjoyed the almost instantaneous, and mostly accurate, reporting of news, the very touching stories people tell about their experiences of listening to the music, and the deliciously naughty and hilarious threads that occasionally show up. But in the ugly corners of the interactions, I see the same the same pattern of stuckness. And if that is not a real word, it should become one. We get caught in it so often.

The beginning of the fan wars inspired by American Idol is certainly understandable. It was a competition after all. For myself, it took a few months to get my mind out of the competition mode. I wanted the evidence to show who the true winner of the contest was, but over time the importance of that faded away. It just became fun to watch the progress of Clay's career and let go of the idea of competition and wish the other contestants well.

That competition creates a tempting place for many of us to get stuck. The fact that there are still people in the Internet fighting over the contestants from last years contest is a testament to the power of the myths opened up to us by the American Idol show and the influence it had over us. But it can get so nasty. When I read about the many angry and vicious statements made against John Stevens after the shocking voting results a few weeks ago, I had to cringe. We go too far. It stops being fun and it just gets ugly. It's so easy to fall into that hole and become like the ghosts in the graveyard and slug it out until the end.

Watching the fights is like listening to a sterile, repetitive, unending song. Nothing new is said. It's just empty, meaningless noise. There are no surprises. There's no joy, just fists flying in the wind.

It also might make us miss the true fun of the American Idol, and that is the process of searching for talent, watching the enthusiastic contestants giving us their all, and the possibility of finding a true star. It's also fun to watch the former contestants develop their careers after the contest is finished. We can watch them from the beginning and, hopefully witness their growth and experimentation. We can also join in with the new voice telling the music industry that had perfected the art of turning out glitzy empty garbage that we want something else, something better. There is a lot we can do if we choose to not allow ourselves to get stuck in the meaningless wars we create.

It's easy to see that the ghosts were fighting to avoid the realization that their consciousness would cease and soon there just be silence. This is why we get stuck too. We don't want to see the darkness behind it all. We do everything we can to avoid it. Fighting works well, but it's so tiresome. We could do something else. We could just let go. Maybe the darkness is only the realization that our eyes are closed shut and we just don't know. I don't know. I'm writing from this side of the darkness, but there is still a lot of fun to be had here. And there is still the music. Maybe what is important is to hold onto what is real and to learn to let go of everything else.

“I shall visit other classes of graves; I shall listen everywhere. That's it, one must listen everywhere, not only at one place, in order to find some form of an understanding. Perhaps one may stumble on some consolation as well .” - Dostoyevsky