Beginning Again
5/27/06
by Diane Sprague
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning ." -Louis L'Amour
What a strange week this has been. After a long stretch of quiet in Clay World, we were bombarded by rumors, take backs of the rumors, reinstating of rumors, variations of rumors, definitive statements, and exasperating hints. All I knew on Wednesday night was that Clay may or may not be on the American Idol finale and he may or may not be performing. Having this added to months of waiting for information about Clay's album that would be coming shortly and is remains in the process of coming shortly made me a bit antsy.
There were other things to do besides waiting. I enjoyed American Idol very much this year. I had no clear favorites, but I was always happy to see the contestants that advanced in the competition do well. Taylor was always fun. I liked his style. There were lots of memorable moments, but I must admit, I always had to push aside this tiny ache and desire to see Clay sneak in and sing a few songs. It was enjoyable to watch the remarkably talented singers who make it throught this show, but it was hard to forgot the one singer who will always remain miles above everyone else in my mind.
So on Wednesday, I prepared myself for Clay's wonderful appearance that might or might not occur. I always watched the show with my son Brian, the master of wisecracks. All season we came up with the nastiest insults for the judges, comical observations of the singers, and creative ways to add spice to the competition. It was fun. That night I was more serious. Usually I would let him check the Yankees score during commercials, but for the next two hours the remote was not to be touched on the penalty of death. I couldn't risk missing anything. Maybe Clay's appearance would be just a short clip and who knew when it would come.
However, it was obvious. I knew as soon as Michael Sendecki came out that Clay would appear. I knew when Michael was singing the stage would open up and Clay would come out. I knew who the screams were for, but even so, when Clay appeared all I could say was, "Who the heck is that?"
Then I spend the whole two minutes saying, "What the...huh...who...where...uhh...what the...hair...huh..." Not one of my most eloquent moments. I was in complete shock. Brian thought it was funny, but I failed to see the humor in being my reduced into a sputtering idiot. Of course it ended too quickly and I really did not appreciate what happened. All I know was for the rest of the show, I did my Titanic lady impersonation: "Come back. Come back."
I think Taylor won and some singer whose name began with P sang for awhile. That's all I remember. I did get a bit emotional. My daughter thought it was because I didn't like Clay's hair cut. When she tried to comfort me, it occurred to all of us how absurd that would be to get upset about a haircut and we all laughed. I actually wish it was something that simple, but to explain what I was truly feeling was impossible.
By the way, I love the haircut. I does something magical to Clay's eyes that is absolutely mesmerizing.
After the show, alone in the darkness I went onto the Internet to find the clip. I knew it would be there already. Some sweet person would have had put it up about ten seconds after it occurred. I have a plan. I am going to start a corporation and hire only Clay's fans. We will be the most successful business in America. Clay fans are the most creative, technical savvy, and efficient group of people going. Of course I found the clip in no time and hoped to enjoy it without the debilitating shock I experienced earlier.
I watched it about 12,678 times. In the stillness of the late night, I realized how much I missed Clay. There was such a long silence from him, a silence that frightened me a bit. Maybe it was over. There was a long period when I stopped paying any attention, when I told myself that nothing lasts and it was time to move on, when it was becoming easy to ignore the sad feelings of watching something magical disappear.
The clip fascinated me. It kept telling me a story. It told me about myself. Michael's reaction was priceless. It is likely how I would have reacted if I managed to remain conscious. It reminding me of my excitement and fascination with Clay. Perhaps it's silly, but whose rule is it that we cannot be fools? It reminded me how we can still find wonder and greatness in this world. It told me a story about how someone who gets maligned can still hold his head high and triumph in a world whose cruelty and seediness can seem overwhelming. It told the story of a new beginning, a new look, and a new adventure. Perhaps when "quite soon" does arrive, we are in for a real treat. I do hope this brief glimpse is just a taste of what is to come. If so, it's going to be wonderful.
SirLinksalot: Clay Aiken Links
SirLinksalot: American Idol Links